Wednesday, September 12, 2007

What the Hell?

I have trust issues. I am one of those people who is not so forgiving to those who violate my trust. Especially as I get older. I mean, honestly, you're an adult. You don't need to go be a little gossip. I things I say to my roommate should be held confidential. I think that's not too much to expect or ask. So when I want to bitch a little about what a jerk my ex boyfriend is, you really ought not tell your brother, who is friends with my ex's new girlfriend. Isn't that fair? If I'm completely out of line on this one, please tell me.

Back to my trust issue. I don't know why I have it. It's not like something catastrophic happened when I was a small child. My parents are still married to each other. I haven't learned any dark secret that rocked my world. Yet my trust, once broken, is hard to get back. I know that there are some instances when one needs to break confidence, but honestly, I'm not plotting to hurt anyone, so keep your damn mouth shut.

Now I have to essentially be a bitch because there's no way I'm going to share a thing with my roommate. Interesting how we haven't been living together for one month yet and my trust has already been violated.

In other news, I don't have anything nice to say to anyone today. It's not that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I'm just surrounded by meddling a-holes. But I'm going to be civil. Why? Because I can't help myself. The times when I've been completely justified in flying off the handle are times I haven't acted. I never act. But I'm getting better than I used to be. I will actually argue back or voice an opinion. I see a battle as when two people disagree and both voice their opinions. It doesn't need to be a siege or some duel to the death, with one bloody person screaming uncle and will need therapy till kingdom come. A battle is saying, "No. I won't spend $50 or more to cover a couch when I don't give a flying flip if it's covered."

If that's not a battle, what is? Please. I need to know. I need to start fighting. I need to start standing up for something so that I don't fall for everything.

I'm pausing my reading of The Fountainhead. I started reading it with someone and since I'm about 100 pages closer than they are, I'm going to wait. In the mean time, I'm reading On the Road. I haven't started it yet. I don't know that I'll like it. But I think I'll take something from it. Isn't that a mark of maturity? Being able to say, "OK, I didn't like that book, but I learned XYZ from it." That seems mature to me.

And maybe it's a bit immature of my to refuse to read Joseph Conrad for one of my classes. But I don't really care. To me, his books are formulaic. Change the name, change the hair color, change the setting, change the natural disaster and Conrad has a new story. It's just like a Danielle Steele novel. His long novella, Typhoon, was summed up in 5 lines. Conrad has this amazing (not in a good way) way of using 500 words to describe something that could be summed up in 5.

He also doesn't do female characters. I just can't relate to a bunch of guys on a ship who don't even get horny. If they got horny once in a while, I'd be able to relate some. But it's like sex doesn't even exist to these guys.

Here's another what the hell thing, but has nothing to do with books. Why don't mirrors have some sort of protector on them? I hate having toothpaste marks on my mirror!

I just put on my dark makeup for the first time in months. It's not as dark as it was. I don't have on any eyeliner, just the eyeshadow. It's looks great! I love how it makes my eyes sparkle! And my eyelashes look fuller and longer. I can't believe people didn't like this makeup on me.

As always, talk to me! Tell me something.

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