I cannot believe what a difference one week can make! I've been very busy this past week, which is why I haven't been blogging. I have a midterm paper due tomorrow and I only just finished it today...we've had a month to work on it (procrastinators unite!...tomorrow)
Let's see what else...I had to go to the doctor last Thursday. It was one of those super-fun exams. So I'm thinking everything is ok. And I should find out the results of my blood screen soon (for cholesterol, diabetes, etc). Apparently you're supposed to get one of those every 5 years...to my calculations, I've never gotten one before. So, good for me.
Then Thursday I got back into my college town and we had a reading for this book I'm the poetry editor for and a good friend of mine, who is also on staff, told me about how serious the reading was. And this got me all freaked out. (I want to interject here with an apology to my managing editor because I gave her the URL to my blog and I'm about to confess to a shameful secret here) My friend got me so freaked out about how serious the readers were and how into it they were and how much they were reading. Yeah, my friend and I had planned on reading like 1 thing, not 10 minutes worth of stuff. So, we bailed. We said I was having a crisis. And I was. But I could have stuck it out if necessary. I didn't though. I got ice cream instead.
Something good came out of it though...during the after party (which I could not attend) a certain good friend of mine divulged to a certain someone that I have a crush on that I have a crush on that person. So, that was kinda nice. And we made plans to get lunch that Friday...and then we made plans to hang out on Saturday. And then we hung out last night as well...It's been quite great thus far.
My main concern is that I'll end up diving off of the great precipice and getting hurt or making mistakes. I know that mistakes are part of the growing up process. But you don't want to make every mistake possible. I've recently come out of a relationship that was one giant mistake. (But enough of that!) I don't have the time or the patience to make every mistake in the world. This is where I get angry at my parents for not giving me siblings. Although if I was the oldest, it wouldn't really matter anyway, would it?
I think I'm going to draw and read Eat Pray Love. But first I want to shower. I want to feel warmth. It's cold!
I'll write more later. I hope.
Editor's Note: I want to say that I will never chicken out and skip a reading again. So, for all of the staff that read this, I am sorry and I am embarrassed that I let you guys intimidate me so much. I won't let you down again.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Something
I really want to write something, but I'm not sure what. What can I say? I could make up something interesting. Or I could write about feeling, thoughts, ideas which might get me into trouble if the right (or wrong because I don't want them to read this) person read them.
What do you do when you get to a point where you have no freaking clue? You know that you aren't happy with your present circumstances. You know what it is that you're wanting. But you can't get it. Then you get something else completely different and you're just not sure about it. Do you stick to your original guns or do you take what you get? I'm not implying that what you get is in any way inferior to what you want, but it's going in a direction you never thought you'd go.
I find myself thinking WWDD? What Would Dominique Do?
On the other hand can I honestly allow myself to make decisions based on what a fictional character would do? Not even what they would do, but what I think they would do. God knows I'd love to be Dominique Francon. But I just don't think it's going to happen.
How does one know when a prayer has been answered? How do I know that this is the path God actually want to to go down? I'm one of those people who would need a burning bush or something biting me on the ass (not in the Bible that I know of) for me to realize, "Hey, THIS is what I should do."
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'm not worried about it. Just a check-up. But that's how they all start out, don't they? I'd better stop with that otherwise I'll freak myself out.
Out of curosity, does alcohol comsumption impede the absorption fo vitamins? Cause I know someone that took a vitamin not long ago and they kinda feel like they might want a drink. By the time anyone responds to this, it will be too late. But for future reference? She says there's no warning affixed to the bottle...so I guess it's OK. Then again, she's taking a certain formula of vitamins to make her hair grow faster, and the whole drinking part is normally not a problem with people taking those vitamins, so maybe they wouldn't put such a warning on the bottle. It's a toughie, but I'm going to advise her that one night of non-vitamin-al absorption is OK. It won't make that much of a difference...I hope...
What do you do when you get to a point where you have no freaking clue? You know that you aren't happy with your present circumstances. You know what it is that you're wanting. But you can't get it. Then you get something else completely different and you're just not sure about it. Do you stick to your original guns or do you take what you get? I'm not implying that what you get is in any way inferior to what you want, but it's going in a direction you never thought you'd go.
I find myself thinking WWDD? What Would Dominique Do?
On the other hand can I honestly allow myself to make decisions based on what a fictional character would do? Not even what they would do, but what I think they would do. God knows I'd love to be Dominique Francon. But I just don't think it's going to happen.
How does one know when a prayer has been answered? How do I know that this is the path God actually want to to go down? I'm one of those people who would need a burning bush or something biting me on the ass (not in the Bible that I know of) for me to realize, "Hey, THIS is what I should do."
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'm not worried about it. Just a check-up. But that's how they all start out, don't they? I'd better stop with that otherwise I'll freak myself out.
Out of curosity, does alcohol comsumption impede the absorption fo vitamins? Cause I know someone that took a vitamin not long ago and they kinda feel like they might want a drink. By the time anyone responds to this, it will be too late. But for future reference? She says there's no warning affixed to the bottle...so I guess it's OK. Then again, she's taking a certain formula of vitamins to make her hair grow faster, and the whole drinking part is normally not a problem with people taking those vitamins, so maybe they wouldn't put such a warning on the bottle. It's a toughie, but I'm going to advise her that one night of non-vitamin-al absorption is OK. It won't make that much of a difference...I hope...
Monday, September 24, 2007
Party
I went to my first REAL college party on Saturday. I had the BEST time! I would have written about it earlier, but I was dead tired on Sunday. I can't say that I accomplished anything, but going to the grocery store where I promptly spent $100. But most of it was long term investments--razors ($18), tylenol ($8), vitamins ($10), and some stuff similar to that. Plus I had some coupons for stuff that I will need eventually, but would expire before I needed them (shampoo, for instance) so I had to buy that.
OK. The party. It was wonderful. We sat around, drank wine, smoked cigarettes, and talked about literature, art, life, and travel. Thankfully I am not the only person who does not like this state. Other people also think that it is easy to become trapped in Oklahoma. Unfortunately, I was not able to contribute much to the conversation. I have not been anywhere. I have not read the right authors (this is my judgment, not anyone else's). And I haven't seen any really good works of art in person. For the first time I felt loved and accepted by a group of people. I have read this book called The Secret Memoirs of Jackie Kennedy. Amazing! I can now relate to the part where she's in Paris and she's with a bunch of artists. It was like any movie you see with a scene where a bunch of artists meet up.
I have actually rededicated myself to the desire to be a Bohemian after this party. Silly, isn't it?
I wish every night could be a party starting at 10, then I would go to class and sleep all afternoon. That would be perfect.
In other news, today I went to talk to my advisor about enrollment. Unfortunately, as I delve deeper into my English major, the classes start later and later. I'm one of those people who doesn't do well in the afternoons. I'm a morning person. Anyway, I'm taking this 19th century American Lit class. I'm so freaking excited! Many of the required text are ones I've already read or they're on my reading list.
I'm having a difficult time reading something. I want to read about a million books right now, but none of them are keeping my interest. I want to read all of The Once and Future King. I also want to read The Last of the Mohicans, Leaves of Grass, and Eat, Pray, Love (which I can't start until Thursday because my mom only just bought it for me). I'm perusing Once and Future King. I read the first book of it at the end of my junior year of high school. We had 2 weeks to read the entire 639 page book, on top of studying for our other finals. Yeah right!
Ugh! I know I ought to work on the 3 page critique I have to write for Wednesday. (Read 3 articles and then decide who I feel sorrier for in understanding the opposite sex) The problem is, I feel sorry for both sexes. I feel bad for ladies because guys aren't always very expressive and seem very secretive. Plus, every book written on understanding guys is contradictory to the last. But I feel sorry for guys because ladies are just plain nuts. Every blog I've read has at least one post wherein the writer says she flew the handle and has no idea why. I do it all the time myself, so don't worry.
Just got an email back from a professor whose class I'm contracting. (I'm supposed to take 2 honors classes a semester and if I don't, I have to do an extra project of some sort to remain active) I get to write my 5 page paper comparing Shakespeare's sonnets to the writings of my favorite poet--John Donne.
Oh! Anyone who has a blogger.com account, how do I get my profile picture to work? The instructions seem to be Lori-proof. I upload the picture into a draft and then go to put the link in the profile place on the Edit Profile menu, but it always comes up with some sort of error. So, I don't know if I'm copying and pasting the right section. HELP!!! Honestly, I'd much rather get 10 emails explaining it to me, so assume I don't have it figured out until I announce it on my blog.
OK. The party. It was wonderful. We sat around, drank wine, smoked cigarettes, and talked about literature, art, life, and travel. Thankfully I am not the only person who does not like this state. Other people also think that it is easy to become trapped in Oklahoma. Unfortunately, I was not able to contribute much to the conversation. I have not been anywhere. I have not read the right authors (this is my judgment, not anyone else's). And I haven't seen any really good works of art in person. For the first time I felt loved and accepted by a group of people. I have read this book called The Secret Memoirs of Jackie Kennedy. Amazing! I can now relate to the part where she's in Paris and she's with a bunch of artists. It was like any movie you see with a scene where a bunch of artists meet up.
I have actually rededicated myself to the desire to be a Bohemian after this party. Silly, isn't it?
I wish every night could be a party starting at 10, then I would go to class and sleep all afternoon. That would be perfect.
In other news, today I went to talk to my advisor about enrollment. Unfortunately, as I delve deeper into my English major, the classes start later and later. I'm one of those people who doesn't do well in the afternoons. I'm a morning person. Anyway, I'm taking this 19th century American Lit class. I'm so freaking excited! Many of the required text are ones I've already read or they're on my reading list.
I'm having a difficult time reading something. I want to read about a million books right now, but none of them are keeping my interest. I want to read all of The Once and Future King. I also want to read The Last of the Mohicans, Leaves of Grass, and Eat, Pray, Love (which I can't start until Thursday because my mom only just bought it for me). I'm perusing Once and Future King. I read the first book of it at the end of my junior year of high school. We had 2 weeks to read the entire 639 page book, on top of studying for our other finals. Yeah right!
Ugh! I know I ought to work on the 3 page critique I have to write for Wednesday. (Read 3 articles and then decide who I feel sorrier for in understanding the opposite sex) The problem is, I feel sorry for both sexes. I feel bad for ladies because guys aren't always very expressive and seem very secretive. Plus, every book written on understanding guys is contradictory to the last. But I feel sorry for guys because ladies are just plain nuts. Every blog I've read has at least one post wherein the writer says she flew the handle and has no idea why. I do it all the time myself, so don't worry.
Just got an email back from a professor whose class I'm contracting. (I'm supposed to take 2 honors classes a semester and if I don't, I have to do an extra project of some sort to remain active) I get to write my 5 page paper comparing Shakespeare's sonnets to the writings of my favorite poet--John Donne.
Oh! Anyone who has a blogger.com account, how do I get my profile picture to work? The instructions seem to be Lori-proof. I upload the picture into a draft and then go to put the link in the profile place on the Edit Profile menu, but it always comes up with some sort of error. So, I don't know if I'm copying and pasting the right section. HELP!!! Honestly, I'd much rather get 10 emails explaining it to me, so assume I don't have it figured out until I announce it on my blog.
Friday, September 21, 2007
I'm not sure what to say...
I'm not sure what to say. It seems like so many things have happened lately that seem noteworthy.
Firstly, I hate when people break promises. Trust is a major thing with me. It goes right up there along with respect. Break a promise to me, that's disrespecting me. I don't like that one bit. I also don't like that I feel the need to retroactively assume that they were lying to me. I know you're going to tell me to just cut my losses with this person. And I agree, I should.
Nextly, I don't like that one of my professors told us that this project her son did in college sounded fun, so we were going to do it as well. I'm sorry, but I don't think a 4-5 page paper sounds fun.
I am a bit perturbed that my mom decided to make my car appointment (the fuse box has a short in it) for this weekend. Not fall break which is in a couple of weeks, but this weekend. The weekend where I get invited to a party by someone and really want to go. I'm actually fairly certain that when I say I'm not coming home on a weekend, she manufactures an excuse for me to come home. But I told her that I have this party that I want to go to. That way I'll spend one night at home and not two. If I spent two, that would lead me back to the firstly thing that I hate.
On the plus side, there is the party. I'm part of the staff for a student publication. The party is being thrown by one of the editors. My head editor and I have plans to get dressed up and go together. I'm really glad that she's going. Because even though I don't know her very well, I do know that I won't somehow end up stranded at the host's apartment if I'm unable to drive myself home.
I know what you may be thinking. She's not 21 yet. I know. I'm not. I want to go ahead and skip right ahead to 21 this year, instead of just being 20, but I don't think it's going to work. Anyway, yes, I'm going to a party where there's drinking. Yes, I'll probably drink. But I'm not going to drink to the point where I'm so freaking nauseous that it's touch and go on whether or not I'll make it home to throw up. I think that's rude to do.
Anyway, we're going to get dressed up in black dresses and heels. It's a classy themed party. I'm really excited, in case you can't tell. I think it could be the first of a long line of parties with these people.
So, my tummy hurt when I went to bed. I thought, never fear, hopefully you'll just throw up. (I'd rather throw up than be miserable) I didn't throw up. And my tummy still hurts this morning. It hurts enough, in fact, that I don't want to drink any coffee. Which in turn makes my head hurt. I wouldn't say I'm caffeine dependent...but I need my morning coffee and afternoon Dr. Pepper to have a good day. Even now, I feel my resistence weakening. I'm going to end up making some cofee. Why? Because I believe it's a good luck charm.
Firstly, I hate when people break promises. Trust is a major thing with me. It goes right up there along with respect. Break a promise to me, that's disrespecting me. I don't like that one bit. I also don't like that I feel the need to retroactively assume that they were lying to me. I know you're going to tell me to just cut my losses with this person. And I agree, I should.
Nextly, I don't like that one of my professors told us that this project her son did in college sounded fun, so we were going to do it as well. I'm sorry, but I don't think a 4-5 page paper sounds fun.
I am a bit perturbed that my mom decided to make my car appointment (the fuse box has a short in it) for this weekend. Not fall break which is in a couple of weeks, but this weekend. The weekend where I get invited to a party by someone and really want to go. I'm actually fairly certain that when I say I'm not coming home on a weekend, she manufactures an excuse for me to come home. But I told her that I have this party that I want to go to. That way I'll spend one night at home and not two. If I spent two, that would lead me back to the firstly thing that I hate.
On the plus side, there is the party. I'm part of the staff for a student publication. The party is being thrown by one of the editors. My head editor and I have plans to get dressed up and go together. I'm really glad that she's going. Because even though I don't know her very well, I do know that I won't somehow end up stranded at the host's apartment if I'm unable to drive myself home.
I know what you may be thinking. She's not 21 yet. I know. I'm not. I want to go ahead and skip right ahead to 21 this year, instead of just being 20, but I don't think it's going to work. Anyway, yes, I'm going to a party where there's drinking. Yes, I'll probably drink. But I'm not going to drink to the point where I'm so freaking nauseous that it's touch and go on whether or not I'll make it home to throw up. I think that's rude to do.
Anyway, we're going to get dressed up in black dresses and heels. It's a classy themed party. I'm really excited, in case you can't tell. I think it could be the first of a long line of parties with these people.
So, my tummy hurt when I went to bed. I thought, never fear, hopefully you'll just throw up. (I'd rather throw up than be miserable) I didn't throw up. And my tummy still hurts this morning. It hurts enough, in fact, that I don't want to drink any coffee. Which in turn makes my head hurt. I wouldn't say I'm caffeine dependent...but I need my morning coffee and afternoon Dr. Pepper to have a good day. Even now, I feel my resistence weakening. I'm going to end up making some cofee. Why? Because I believe it's a good luck charm.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I'm a Dork!
OK. I just got a comment from someone who said that they were going to be a reader of my blog. It made me really happy. I know I'm not writing anything completely earth shattering, like JK Rowling, but I feel that as long as I reach one person, I'm doing well.
I also received my first criticism in a personal correspondance. This person that I've been writing to thinks it's getting hard to talk to me because I mention one of my ex boyfriends a lot. I didn't really think that I was, but now I know it bothers this person. So I'll not mention my ex to this person, should they choose to even write me back. (It would be sad if they didn't, because I like talking to this person.)
I know it's "my blog," but if something I write about totally turns you off, please tell me. There are some things better left unsaid to the masses. I'm not saying that these things will go unexpressed, but they'll be expresses in other places--like poetry, a journal, or even through a picture.
By the way, last night I drew a daisy and it actually looks like a daisy! I'm so happy because my stuff usually looks more comic than real.
I also received my first criticism in a personal correspondance. This person that I've been writing to thinks it's getting hard to talk to me because I mention one of my ex boyfriends a lot. I didn't really think that I was, but now I know it bothers this person. So I'll not mention my ex to this person, should they choose to even write me back. (It would be sad if they didn't, because I like talking to this person.)
I know it's "my blog," but if something I write about totally turns you off, please tell me. There are some things better left unsaid to the masses. I'm not saying that these things will go unexpressed, but they'll be expresses in other places--like poetry, a journal, or even through a picture.
By the way, last night I drew a daisy and it actually looks like a daisy! I'm so happy because my stuff usually looks more comic than real.
Food
I hate food. OK? I loathe it. It causes me such misery. But I keep going back for more. I'm not sure why. Today I decided to go get Chinese food from this charming little establishment that has really tasty stuff. I got it and drove off a ways when I remembered that I didn't ask for gallons of soy sauce. "I must have soy sauce!" I looked and only had two measly packets in my bag. I knew it wasn't enough, but I was too lazy to turn around and get some. I'd figure out something. Well, I did. I tried the chicken with the sweet and sour sauce (thankfully the guy misheard me when I said, "No sweet and sour sauce.") It wasn't bad...it was almost good. Some of the time. Somehow I used one packet on half of my rice and satisfactorily covered two egg rolls. I still have one packet left and half of my rice.
I'm having leftovers for dinner. I have so many. I have the rice, some twice baked potatoes, some pizza from last night (which I probably won't choose), some brisket, and some BBQ beef. I'm feeling nauseous just thinking about it, but in a few hours I'll be OK to go.
I also don't like clothes. More specifically, I don't like wearing them. I know I'm running dangerous ground with oversharing, but I don't want to wear them. I don't mind owning them...They're nice to look at.
I'd also go barefoot everyday if I could.
Why am I just sitting here complaining? I have no idea. I don't like that about myself. I've decided that I don't like myself and I want to change. I'm not happy with the way things are going, so I must do something to remedy this. I know I said that being happy all the time isn't "normal," but I also think that a person needs to make their own luck.
Anyway, that's where I am.
I'm having leftovers for dinner. I have so many. I have the rice, some twice baked potatoes, some pizza from last night (which I probably won't choose), some brisket, and some BBQ beef. I'm feeling nauseous just thinking about it, but in a few hours I'll be OK to go.
I also don't like clothes. More specifically, I don't like wearing them. I know I'm running dangerous ground with oversharing, but I don't want to wear them. I don't mind owning them...They're nice to look at.
I'd also go barefoot everyday if I could.
Why am I just sitting here complaining? I have no idea. I don't like that about myself. I've decided that I don't like myself and I want to change. I'm not happy with the way things are going, so I must do something to remedy this. I know I said that being happy all the time isn't "normal," but I also think that a person needs to make their own luck.
Anyway, that's where I am.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
This was not one of my better morning starts. First, I randomly woke up 15 minutes early, only to discover that the power was out. That's annoying. Even more annoying is the alarm system beeping at certain intervals. But once that was solved, I mostly worried about how I was going to get coffee.
So my roommate decides that flipping out is the option. She cussed and went on about how pissed she is and how unacceptable this is. I call the power company. Within 20 minutes, they have the power restored. We're still not sure how long the power was out, but I know it was a while. How? Well, my computer, fully charged at bed time, was down to 46% battery capacity by this morning.
After this, I try to do my morning internet routine. Except, the stupid IP that my apartment complex uses didn't have me registered. But wait! I did register. A month ago. I called the tech person. I figured they would be...not from this country. They weren't, but we were able to understand each other. I was mostly annoyed at having to call in the first place.
That's about all on the bad morning...This afternoon I went to a BUNCH of different blogs. I'm going to start reading and commenting on them so that people will read and comment on mine. Although I'm sure adults have better things to do than read a college student's blog. But maybe I'll get lucky...
I've been thinking. Lately a friend (and I use the term loosely) commented that I'm just not a happy person. This really bothered me. "If I'm not happy, then something must be wrong with me." Thoughts like this streamed through my mind. Then it dawned on me during the bus ride home today: So what if I'm not happy? That's life! There's a difference between being happy and between making do with what you have. And I also realized that because I'm unhappy, I'm more mature. It's like, "I'm sorry that your life has been so damn perfect that you always seem to get the best of everything, but that's not realistic! One day, you won't have that and you won't know what to do with yourself." On the other hand, when things finally do go my way and I get everything that I want, I probably won't know what to do with myself either. But I'll be able to appreciate it more.
As pessimistic as it may sound, I think that the philosophy or mtto "Shit happens" is a great. It sums up everything. It's not a woe is me thing. It's acknowledging that things don't always go your way. It's not asking people to feel sorry for you. It's accepting that life isn't perfect and you have to keep going. Roll with the punches is a nicer way of saying shit happens. But I like the conciseness of it. Two words, three syllables. It's great.
So my roommate decides that flipping out is the option. She cussed and went on about how pissed she is and how unacceptable this is. I call the power company. Within 20 minutes, they have the power restored. We're still not sure how long the power was out, but I know it was a while. How? Well, my computer, fully charged at bed time, was down to 46% battery capacity by this morning.
After this, I try to do my morning internet routine. Except, the stupid IP that my apartment complex uses didn't have me registered. But wait! I did register. A month ago. I called the tech person. I figured they would be...not from this country. They weren't, but we were able to understand each other. I was mostly annoyed at having to call in the first place.
That's about all on the bad morning...This afternoon I went to a BUNCH of different blogs. I'm going to start reading and commenting on them so that people will read and comment on mine. Although I'm sure adults have better things to do than read a college student's blog. But maybe I'll get lucky...
I've been thinking. Lately a friend (and I use the term loosely) commented that I'm just not a happy person. This really bothered me. "If I'm not happy, then something must be wrong with me." Thoughts like this streamed through my mind. Then it dawned on me during the bus ride home today: So what if I'm not happy? That's life! There's a difference between being happy and between making do with what you have. And I also realized that because I'm unhappy, I'm more mature. It's like, "I'm sorry that your life has been so damn perfect that you always seem to get the best of everything, but that's not realistic! One day, you won't have that and you won't know what to do with yourself." On the other hand, when things finally do go my way and I get everything that I want, I probably won't know what to do with myself either. But I'll be able to appreciate it more.
As pessimistic as it may sound, I think that the philosophy or mtto "Shit happens" is a great. It sums up everything. It's not a woe is me thing. It's acknowledging that things don't always go your way. It's not asking people to feel sorry for you. It's accepting that life isn't perfect and you have to keep going. Roll with the punches is a nicer way of saying shit happens. But I like the conciseness of it. Two words, three syllables. It's great.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)